Good debate is never personal

sometimes a discussion might feel like a boxing match.

It's easy to take things personally - especially in business. I cannot remember the number of times that a seemingly extreme disagreement over something has ended with a smile and a shared acceptance that its never personal - its just two passionate dedicated professionals arguing for what they believe to be right.

This is healthy and positive. The alternative is an environment where every opinion is agreed with and there is never any challenge or disent. Often such a culture is encouraged, particularly in softer more caring environments or where more authoritarian structures exist. These are a far more dangerous places to be than ones where healthy conflict and open dialogue is actively encouraged.

In a culture where open debate and diverging opinion is encouraged there is usually one continuing theme... respect between the people involved. Put another way... it's never personal. This is the biggest lesson that individuals learn as they develop. Never make it personal. You can share a drink or a laugh with a person even though you have just had a major difference of opinion. That's healthy - and to be encouraged.

What is less healthy is when individuals hold grudges or perceive that personal dislike is involved or where patterns of an individual's unhelpful behaviour get in the way of an otherwise healthy debate.

If you want to be part of an culture where consensus and consultation form an appropriate part of the decision making process then be ready to engage in debate and don't be afraid to hold an opinion that goes against the flow - be ready to justify and argue your position. It's the price you pay to be part of a group that values your opinion and is willing to hear and consider it. However, accept the process. If a decision concludes against your input....It's invariably never personal between professional colleagues. You can be outspoken (where appropriate), a passionate advocate for what you believe in - this is good - but always be ready to see the other persons arguement and accept that their opinion is as valid as yours. It's never personal if it's a professional debate.

If emotions run high, it's often a sign of committed passionate people who want to do the right thing.

An extreme metaphor is the less than gentle art of professional pugilism where two individuals want to beat the living daylights out of each other for a set number of rounds - but always respecting the rules. An often fearsome show of apparent aggression. However, once over, the victor and the vanquished usually congratulate / console each other and share a moment of mutual respect and concern before shaking hands and accepting the outcome (usually anyway). What might look like mutual loathing before hand turns out to be mutual professional respect.

Hopefully, professional differeces of opinion and debate never quite reach the extent of the physical assault seen in boxing. Nonetheless, the principle is the same. Shake hands and share a smile at the end of it. You might even enjoy it.

It's never personal.