The minefield of directness

is it always better to take the direct approach?

BLUNT...... The most-used word to describe the Dutch (alongside TALL, of course). Having worked for a Dutch group for almost 19 years, and spent more cumulative hours than I could ever imagine moving into, through and out of Schiphol - I am reasonably qualified on the subject.

The Dutch simply think of themselves as straight talking - they say it as it is. Unlike the English who are the undisputed masters of indirect communication - often appearing to only be capable of saying something by stating what appears to be the polar opposite of what they mean, and who are able to infer a range of meanings by subtle changes in context or inflection of a single word. Interesting.

Between native English speakers, the use, choice or pronunciation of words can effectively write a whole chapter describing, in detail, their background, upbringing and class. Who invented these unwritten rules?

Language in general has a great deal to answer for. It is forever changing in its extent and application; making communication even more difficult. In a modern context how are older people expected to understand that "bad" or " dope" or "sick" might actually mean good. It's all very confusing.

Maybe direct clear language can be of help sometimes. Recognising that people can be fragile or likely to be offended by directness, communication always requires a delicate balance between directness and offence-avoidance.

So is directness, bluntness, being completely frank, appropriate? .... yes.... and no.

In social contexts we all always err on the side of polite or if this is not in your armoury, then dig deep in the tool kit for subtle. Offence in a social context is almost impossible to mitigate once caused. Tread lightly and ensure that your filter is fitted and functioning.

In business contexts a direct approach is often appropriate and better applied and received.......

When giving feedback a frank approach can give the most value. Sugar coating feedback often negates the desired effect. Being honest in an appraisal or coaching session will give the recipient the best value feedback. In commercial discussions it's better to let the counter party know where you stand on certain issues; red lines are useful. Openly stating a position with clarity and firmness serves to describe boundaries of a negotiation.

Being direct, honest and open is therefore a great tool when used well. The English can learn a few things when it comes to their subtle approach that might miss the target. Just as the Dutch could pick up some tips here and there on appearing less rude.

Its a complicated thing ... communication. Done well its a fantastic tool but a few degrees off centre and it leads us through the minefield of upset, hurt or confusion. Always think before speaking and empathetically re-reading that email in the recipients shoes.

Tread carefully in the minefield of directness.