Really listening is a vital life skill

Are you really listening?

We all hear, to some degree, what goes on around us every day. The world constantly competes to be heard, as a cacophony of noise vies for our attention. Active Noise Cancellation in modern day headphones and earbuds does a resonable job of protecting us from the worst of such excesses to allow us to listen to our favourite playlist or podcast or just to concentrate on doing something else. But even then, we realise that, lost in whatever we are doing or thinking, we haven't really been listening.

For podcasts or music - its not so important because we can usually just replay the content if needed. For real conversations with real people it's not possible and not only might we have lost some important content, but more importantly, have signalld a complete lack of engagement of interest towards the speaker. It's the same in general if we are not engaged or receptive to what is happening around us.

There is a big difference between hearing and listening. Really Listening is a vital life skill for all people, but especially for leaders - but it's not a skill that is widely taught.

Listening is not just an Aural activity to receive the spoken word - it's also about understanding and interpreting intonation, pauses, allusions and also realising what isn't said - alongside simultaneously reading body-language - some of which can be especially subtle or imperceptible. Listening, really listening, is hard work. It needs your time. undivided attention, engagement and sole focus.

When done well, people will value your time and engagement and this is the platform to build a relationship of trust and understanding and open communication. When done badly it can be a waste of time and offensive. Bad listeners end up with much reduced input because people just dont bother to communicate any more.

Really listening allows someone to tell you something - without interruption - it may be something you need to listen to - vitally important.

The natural enemies of really listening are everywhere; noise, impatience , poor time management, conflicting priorities, arrogance, mental multi-tasking, distraction, pre-judgement, pre-set agendas. We are all taken hostage by some of these every day. Of course, even with engagement and focus you will still need to interpret, understand and compute that things cannot always be taken at face value.

Listening is not just about one-to-one dialogue but also speaks to the ability of a leader to "listen" to everything around him, distilling the subtle messages and warnings from the constant barrage of comunication and data surrounding them and their business. It is the role of the leader to be aware of what is happening or might happen outside the business; and here really listening is vital.

Really listening is also about ensuring that the culture allows honesty and frank feedback to thrive to avoid a communication bubble that can insulate a leader from what he needs to hear. You can't listen to what they don't tell you.

Practice the following to begin to unlock real listening skills. I never said this was easy!

• Be (way more) present and engaged.

• Become more attuned to body language

• Slow down, make time to listen

• Pay attention to surroundings for important discussions (softer, not behind desks - open & relaxed).

• Build a culture of trust - where people can give bad news without fear of retribution

• Remove hieracrchy from communications - great ideas or feedback can come from anyone, anywhere.

• Counsel & coach, value & encourage input.... but don't judge.

• Be accessible

There is a phrase that is well-used... " I hear what you say". It often says a great deal and illustrates the point well.